Deeper He Falls
by I Am A Reject
Summary: Harry falls deeper into the depression he has created for himself. With the depression comes his dark thoughts, and swaying from the light side to the dark side. Voldemort offeres him eveything he could ever want, and Dumbledore has done nothing but lie.
1. I'm Leaving

Deeper He Falls

**Author Note: **Okay, this is my new fic for this account. It is not the only account that I have so I hope you like this, and if you want me to I will tell you the other names that I have. Anyway, this is a dark Harry fic, so I hope you like it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

_Italics: dreams_

**Bold: Thoughts**

_**Bold italics: Memories**_

_So tired of being what you want me to be_  
_Felling so faithless lost under the surface _  
_Don't know what you're expecting of me_  
_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_  
_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) _  
_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_  
_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)_

_---Numb Linkin' Park---_

* * *

_"Don't be a fool", snarled the voice. "Better save your own life and join me…or you'll meet the same end as your parents…. They died begging me for mercy…" _

_"LIAR!" Harry shouted suddenly._

_Quirrell was walking backward at him, so that Voldemort could still see him. The evil face was now smiling._

_"How touching…" it hissed. "I always did value bravery…Yes, boy, your parents were brave…I killed your father first, and he put up a courageous fight…but your mother needn't have died…Now give me the Stone, unless you want her to have died in vein". _

_"NEVER!"_

_"Kill the spare"_

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

_"Hermione, Harry's seen them!" said Ron, rounding on her._

_"Okay", she said, looking frightened yet determined, "I've just got to say this…"_

_"What?"_

_"You… this isn't criticism, Harry! But you do…sort of… I mean--- don't you think you've got a bit of a--- a--- saving-people-thing?" she said_

_He glared at her. "And what's that supposed to mean, a "saving-people-thing'?"_

_"Well…you…"she looked more apprehensive than ever."I mean…last year, for instance…in the lake…during the tournament…you shouldn't have…I mean, you didn't need to save that Delacour girl…You got a bit… carried away…"_

_A wave of hot, prickly anger swept Harry's body--- how could she remind him of that blunder now?_

_"…I mean, it was really great of you and everything", said Hermione quickly, looking positively petrified at the look on Harry's face. "Everyone thought it was a wonderful thing to do---"_

_"That's funny", Harry said through gritted teeth, "because I defiantly remember Ron saying I'd wasted time acting like a hero…is that what you think this is? You reckon I want to act the hero again?"_

_Only one couple were still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light: He was laughing at her. "Come on you can do better then that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room. The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest. The laughter had not quite yet died from his face, but his eyes winded in shock._

_"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!" bellowed Harry. "SHE KILLED HIM---I'LL KILL HER!"_

_"Aaaaah… did you love him, little baby Potter"_

The pale figure in bed jerked awake, his eyes shining at the tears that had surrounded his eyes. He grabbed his hair and pleaded that it leave him alone. His raven black hair shining blue in the moonlight, when looked upon he was pale and drawn, but his body was filled out nicely. He looked eerie, dark, foreboding. He could not fall back asleep for he dreaded to see what was waiting for him in his dreams.

The boy's name was Harry Potter, and he was a wizard. But even so he was not an ordinary wizard. No, he was never considered normal by any means. He hated Dumbledore, but for once he didn't hate Voldemort. Dumbledore had continually lied to him and being so it had cost everybody their life. His Mother, Father, Cedric, and Sirius, at this point Harry would have been considered crazy, maybe he was. Harry stayed there just staring at the wall until finally his uncle called him downstairs.

"Boy, get down here, we need to talk to you!"

"I'll bet you do", Harry snarled and stomped down the stairs. Walking into the kitchen Harry glared at his obese uncle. Not really listening to him Harry thought about life. Not something that he liked to do, because it was too emotional.

"Boy, are you listening to me?" Vernon snarled, spraying Harry with spit. Harry wiped his face and sneered and his uncle, "Does it look like I'm listening?" Vernon turned a purple color and the vein in his head was protruding.

"Is this how you treat us for taking you in, giving you clothes to put on your back, feeding you, and the money we have spent on you… do you think you can treat us this way? After all we have done for you---you think---", Harry cut him off feeling more anger then he already had.

"No, because on other occasions I would be more then grateful, but the so called clothes that I get are hand-me-downs that could fit a whale, and the food that I get isn't fit for a dog, and that money! God, do you think I'm stupid if you have spent more then ten pounds on me then so help me god I'll apologize, the boy is gone, no more boy!" Harry bellowed, looking deadly.

"You know what, fuck you, I've had enough!" Harry screamed and flew up the stairs packing his things he left.

**Author's Note:** Okay, now remember please review! I want two reviews before I update, and the faster they come the faster I update! Remember R/R!


	2. He Falls Deeper

**Deeper He Falls**

**Author's Note: **Yay! I got six reviews; ok anyway here is the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

_Cause we lost it_  
_Nothing lasts forever _  
_I'm sorry I can't be perfect_  
_Now it's just to late_  
_And we can't go back _  
_I'm sorry I can't be perfect_

_--Perfect Simple Plan_

Standing all alone in the darkness that had enveloped the world was man. A broken man that had always seemed to have been in places he should never have been. Thus, so the man had lost everything he had held dear. He was lied to, deceived, betrayed, and used as a weapon of some mass destruction. Not anymore, he wasn't Dumbledore's toy anymore. So what, he was about to damage the Potter name, and put it to shame.

_There is no good and evil there is only power and those to weak to seek it._

Those words echoed in his head, playing out and tormenting him. This was his choice, was it the right choice? It had to be, no one would miss him. Dumbledore had brought this on to himself. Staring at the sky Harry's face became impassive. His eyes shining with the condescension he held for Dumbledore. Harry raised his arm wand in hand. Then out of nowhere a triple Decker bus appeared. Harry barley listed to the speech he paid the guy his money and went to the bed. Sleeping only as much as he could the dreams plagued him.

Harry got off the bus and went to the leaky cauldron. Asking Tom for a room after he got his key he made his way up to room 957. Opening his door Hedwig greeted him. He smiled and looked at her.

"You'll be my only friend after I'm through", he stated simply. She cocked her head a bit confused at his words, but did nothing.

_Voldemort, _

_I don't know what to say to you. I mean, where do I start? I'm sure you didn't see this coming, but the suppositions of everyone else were true, when they bet on me eventually joining you. Actually, I'm not even sure if this is what I want, all I know, is that I want revenge. I don't want to be the Boy-Who-Lived anymore; I want to get away from that shadow. It's smothering me, and I can't breathe. Hell, I don't even know why I'm doing this, I offer you my loyalty, but I don't know for how long or when. I just want this to end. _

_Sincerely, _

_Harry Potter_

Harry felt his face harden, and he couldn't help but wonder what the hell he was getting himself into. Harry tied the letter to Hedwig's leg and sent her off.

_Order of the Phoenix_

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts bore a grim expression. This was it and he had not expected this to happen. Those around him waited anxiously for his words, but none expecting what they were about to hear. Dumbledore bowed his head in defeat and sat down heavily.

"I called this meeting to discuss, Harry Potter," Dumbledore's tone was harsh, cold, and heavy. Everybody turned towards him one set of eyes holding what looked like suppressed fear and skepticism.

"It seems that we have lost him," He said sighing heavily. One voice stood out above all the other. The one that shouted, "What do you mean lost, where is he?"

"Remus, I know where he is; I'm talking about his loyalty".

"No, you're wrong, Harry wouldn't do that!" Remus protested loudly. Albus nodded his head and held up a piece of parchment.

"This is my proof. It is a letter to Voldemort from Harry if you wish to read it come forward", everybody stepped forward and then there were several stifled gasps. They all shook their heads in disbelief. It was Harry's handwriting, but it wasn't his style. Hard knowledge came upon them as they slapped their hand on their mouth.

They had lost their savior.

Harry Potter has betrayed them.

They were screwed.

Shit.

**Author's Note:** (cringes) Yes, shortness, I know it sucks and I agree, but you see the longer the chapters are the more my mind seeps into writer's block, so this was more chapters. So, anyway read, review be happy, no flames

**Beta Note:** -- I think it was very good. BAD HARRY! Smacks Harry on the head


	3. We need to talk

**Deeper He Falls**

**Author's Note: **If you don't like the new 3rd chapter then get over it. I can't really help that. I didn't like the other 3rd chapter. I'm thinking of making this slash, what do you people think? Remus/Harry, if I don't make it slash it'll be Harry/Ginny. Tell me what you want. Either way people, I want you to know this story won't have a happy ending.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter…

Harry stared blankly out the window, going over the dream he had just had. Looking at the letter he had just received from Remus. He wasn't all to surprised that Remus didn't blame or hate him. It wasn't in the werewolf's nature to hate people. Well, that is most people. Harry was pretty sure that he hated Voldemort. Harry read the letter again.

_Harry, _

_Yes, we all read your letter, and I only have to tell you a few things, and ask you a question. Why? Why did you do it? I mean, we all love you, well most of us do. I think you may have gotten yourself a few more enemies from the order. Harry, what ever you choose, I will stay by you, and be there for you. I don't think I could ever hate you. I want you to write me back. Soon, Harry not ten days from now. I want to know that you are safe. _

_Love,_

_Moony_

Harry couldn't help but let a smile curl on his face. He figured that the Order had gotten his letter. He had known right away, when Hedwig had come back all ruffled looking and pissed off, but he couldn't stop thinking about what Remus had asked. Why had he done it? What was his motive behind it? Did he actually have a motive?

His time he had spent with his friends was becoming more and more distant. Did he truly hate them? No, he didn't, he couldn't hate them. Did he truly hate Dumbledore? Yes, he did, it was his fault that Sirius was dead. Dumbledore had kept him in the dark for so long about his life. Finally, telling him about his destiny after he had lost his godfather.

Harry Potter was dead. The Harry Potter they had known died along with his godfather. He had been dieing before that. A little piece had died when his parents were killed, and then when Cedric had been killed, but the part that had died the most was when Sirius was killed.

If it was anybody's fault, it was Dumbledore's. It was Dumbledore's fault for keeping him in the dark about his life. Dumbledore should have expected this…

_The Order_

"Do you think we ought to try and find him?" Remus asked. Snape shook his head and glared at the werewolf.

"If Potter wants to be found then we could find him, all I can say is good riddance to the boy", Snape sneered.

"Severus, it's people like you that pushed him into turning!" Remus snapped angrily, trying to control his temper.

"You know, we should have all seen this coming?" Mrs. Weasley voiced. Everybody turned to stare at her.

"We kept pushing the poor boy, and I think the loss of his godfather had something to do with it", when she said this she glared at both Dumbledore and Snape.

"I don't understand why somebody would mourn for the mutt", Snape snapped.

"Don't you dare say that! He was my best friend, but I suspect that you wouldn't understand anything about having friends, now would you, _Snivellius?" _Remus snarled.

Snape turned red with either anger or embarrassment, maybe even both. Never had anyone heard Remus Lupin, the usually soft spoken man use that tone with anyone. Not even Snape himself.

The room was quite and Remus and Snape were still glaring at each other murderously. The only thing that kept them from killing each other was the table that was between them.

"Oh, Lupin I think we both know that you and Black were more then friends", Snape drawled. Remus didn't say a word and neither did Snape.

"Get out", Remus said quietly.

"You can't order me out of this house, it isn't yours", Snape snapped.

"No, you're right it's not mine, it's Harry's and I know that he wouldn't want your greasy filth in his house", Remus countered. Snape narrowed his eyes and with a 'pop' he was gone.

"This fucking blows", Harry grumbled packing his things. He hadn't been asleep for more then four hours, and he had dreamt about Voldemort. _Stupid asshole, Snape should rot in hell_, Harry couldn't help but think that maybe he had made a mistake.

Well, of course he had, he just went and basically sold his soul to the Devil. Now they were looking for him, just perfect, another thing to add to his to-do list. _Stay away from Voldemort, and kill Snape._

Mentally sighing, he wondered where he could go. The Weasley's were out of question, and he couldn't go back to the Dursley's. There was only one place left to go…Grimmauld Place.

Harry walked down the stairs his trunk in tow. He walked out of Diagon Alley after getting Tom to shrink his things. Harry walked to an abandoned alley. He raised his wand and waited for the rumble of the Knight Bus. Harry barely listened to Ernie.

"Blimey, you're 'Arry Potter!" Ernie gasped.

"No, really?" Harry snapped sarcastically.

"So where you headed?" Ernie asked.

"13 Grimmauld Place".

Harry's things were put beside a bed which he collapsed upon. It seemed only ten minutes later that he was shaken awake. He stepped off of the bus and walked down the street.

Harry stood facing the one house he vowed never to set foot in again. Were it not for the circumstances he wouldn't have come, but he needed to find Remus. He wouldn't stop looking until he did find him. Opening the door he stepped in, quietly minding the portrait on the wall. He looked around wandering into the dinning room.

"Remus?" He called, stepping lightly avoiding the creaking boards. He heard a shuffle behind him. The lights flickered on. He turned, looking ahead right into the blazing eyes of Tonks.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes flickering. Harry didn't waver he stood ram-rod straight.

"Well, as far as I'm concered it's my house, and I need to find Remus", Harry said, backing away trying to give her no reason to curse him. He already knew that he had earned a few enemies. He smiled wryly; it was amazing how fast one would turn on you. Yet, he had already known that. Though to tell the truth he hadn't expected it to happen so fast.

"I know, you are pissed", Harry simpered. This only seemed to infuriate Tonks even more.

"Now, why would you ever think that?" Tonks bit sardonically.

"Well, it could be that you have your wand pointed between my eyes, but that's just me", Harry said.

"Fine, but I'm putting you in binds", she snapped. Harry didn't protest but he sure as hell felt like it.

"Stupid, crazy bitch", Harry mumbled, walking into the kitchen where everyone else currently was, Moody looked up.

"Did you find out what was wrong?"

Harry stepped out from behind Tonks, who he had been using as a human shield from any stray curses. The room went deathly silent, it like they had never seen Harry before. Yet, they all had, and this time was no different. Well, maybe just a little, but hardly the problem. See the problem here was is that they all wanted to rip Harry James Potter to shreds. And who could blame them?

Certainly, not Harry himself, he thought they deserved it. After all, were it not for Dumbledore and his life altering secrets, Harry would have never written the letter in the first place. Sure the prophecy stated that Harry was the only person that could defeat Voldemort. It was his destiny, and he hated it.

Kill or be killed.

His destiny.

Fuck his destiny.

It was his life and he decided what he wanted it to be like. Not some seventeen year old prophecy that predicted his life. He hated the prophecy, he hated his life. All of it he just wanted out, and he had went to Voldemort. Why had he done it? That was still a question that was on his mind.

"What is he doing here?" Moody questioned, glaring at the raven-haired boy. Harry winched at his voice and stepped backwards. This was not going as planned. They all looked like they wanted to kill him.

"What should we do with him?" Tonks asked.

Well, technically Harry hadn't really done anything yet. All he had _tried _to do was send a letter to Voldemort, but that was not successful. So why did they want to kill him again? Oh, they all thought that he was a death eater.

Could his day get any worse? Yeah, probably it always did. People were still staring at him, and he was getting a bit uncomfortable. Actually that seemed to be their motive trying to make him as awkward as possible. They sure were doing a good job at it.

"What's going on down here?" a voice asked from the living room. Harry jerked around, it was Remus. Dunking Tonks, who had tried to grab him he bounded across the room, and behind Remus. He decided that using Remus as a human shield would be better, because unlike Tonks, Remus wouldn't actually move.

"Harry, what are you doing here?" Remus, unlike Moody and Tonks didn't sound hateful. He sounded somewhat happy, but mostly he sounded relieved. For that Harry was grateful. At least somebody cared for him.

"I didn't have any where else to go", Harry said. Remus nodded and motioned him up the stairs. Harry stepped into what seemed to be Remus' room. He sat on a chair and waited as Remus shut and locked his bedroom door.

"You have some major explaining to do, you know that right?" Remus asked his rather sternly. Harry had to nod his head, or Remus might get mad at him. Harry sighed and began what he felt like telling, which was not the whole truth.

**Author's Note:** I hope this is long enough for you. I tried to make it long. Well, I did, it's longer then all of the other chapters. Okay, enjoy. Okay, I want to say that I did mot make a mistake with the Address. Harry said that because it was closest to number 12, and well you can't see number 12. So he said number 13, and number 12 is the Order, do you really think he's going to tell them that address?


	4. Bringing back the dead

I Am A Reject- **I am fucking freezing my arse off and it is exactly 4:00 PM (now, 4:01) and I am home alone, and am starving. I haven't had anything to eat all day. So do me a favor, and don't even think about flaming me. I am in one of my dark moods today. My mums can a test to that. **

**One more thing: I need ships! Harry/Remus, Harry/Ginny, Harry/Sirius, Harry/Draco? Tell me people! **

**_Bold/italic: _**Dreams

_Italic: _Memories and spells

**Deeper He Falls**

"Harry…you need to contact Dumbledore", Remus said. Harry looked at him, his eyes going dark with anger, and betrayal.

"I'll not do any such thing", Harry snapped.

"Why?"

"Because, he's an old, conniving bastard that should bebe- burned at the stake", Harry said fiercely. Remus looked shocked at this.

"Harry, you should give him a chance…" he trailed off at the look on Harry's face. It was positively frightening.

"Give him a chance?" Harry whispered dangerously, "I am going to leave now, I fear that if I don't I will destroy this house".

Harry slowly strode to the door, jerked it open and stepped outside. He then slammed it shut, and stormed downstairs. Nothing about today was going as planned. _He _hated it here and he hated Dumbledore, and he hated the flipping Ministry for making him out to be an _Attention, Seeking lunatic_.

Sneering, he went downstairs, and plopped down at the table. Quickly, he drew his wand and disarmed Moody.

"Bloody hell, Potter!" Moody sputtered

"Next, time don't try and stun me with my back turned", Harry said coldly

"I'll do whatever I damn well please!" Moody said gruffly.

"I suggest that it not have any thing to do with me, now get out of the kitchen", Harry ordered.

"You can't order me around".

"No? _Well, I just did"_ Harry sneered. "_Get out!" _

The windows rattled and the plates on the table burst. The room dropped several degrees. Moody's face was a mixture of fear and realization. It was true…they really had lost Potter. Moody left Harry to calm down.

Harry sat down at the table, his head in his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and jerked around. Anger surged through his body. He fought it down.

"Harry—I'm not going to take long just l—"

"Let me guess, you want a chance to explain? Am I correct?" Harry sneered.

"Yes, Harry".

"I don't give a flying _fuck_ about what you have to say, _Professor_. Just admit it, you've lost me, and there is nothing you can do".

"You admit to being a death eater?" Dumbledore asked.

"I didn't do any such thing, quit twisting my words. All I said was that you've lost my loyalty, and for that prophecy…screw it. Find someone else to control. I'm tired of being your weapon," Harry said, each time advancing on the head master.

"Harry—"

"I suggest that you be quite", Harry snapped.

They hadn't noticed the people that gathered around them. They were being watched.

"Harry, I want to apologize. I know, that you haven't had the happiest life, but there are other people that have it worst then you do."

Harry's eyes darkened, and again the room's temperature dropped. The house seemed to be rattling where it was.

"Is that so? There are other people that have a _harder_ live then I have? I sure hope you can dig out of this one Dumbledore. I've been through things that most wouldn't dream of. I have to watch my Godfather die every night. I have to feel what Voldemort's victims go through. Every year since I started attending Hogwarts I have been threatened in some way or another. Tell me Dumbledore, are you even _trying_ to protect me?" Harry said, his voice held a certain deathly edge to it.

Dumbledore looked and probably was speechless. He couldn't say anything, and Harry continued.

"And furthermore, are you trying to turn me into the next Dark Lord?—" Dumbledore looked startled.

"In case you haven't noticed, my life is the mirror image of Tom Riddle's. We all know where he went. If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was some sort of experiment. Is that what I am to you, Dumbledore? Am I some experiment? Are you trying to see how much hell you can make me go through before I snap and turn into another Voldemort? Because, if I am then your point is proven. It will happen", Harry hissed.

"I would strongly advise against opening your mouth", Harry warned and swept out of the kitchen, leaving his friends glaring at the head master, the said head master looking defeated. There was nothing he could do now. What ever happened from that point on, was up to Harry himself.

_"Don't be a fool", snarled the voice. "Better save your own life and join I…or you'll meet the same end as your parents…. They died begging me for mercy…" _

_"LIAR!" Harry shouted suddenly._

_Quirrell was walking backward at him, so that Voldemort could still see him. The evil face was now smiling._

_"How touching…"it hissed." I always did value bravery…Yes, boy, your parents were brave…I killed your father first, and he put up a courageous fight…but your mother needn't have died…Now give me the Stone, unless you want her to have died in vein". _

_"NEVER!"_

"_Not Harry! Not Harry! Please—I'll do anything—"_

"_Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!"_

"_Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off—" _

_The sounds of stumbling from a room—a door bursting open—a cackle of high pitched laughter—_

"_Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously. But I would have thought that what you have heard when the dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you. Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry. A poor way to repay them—gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks"._

"_THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Black. "DIED RATHER THEN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"_

"_Kill the spare" _

"_Avada Kedavra!"_

_"Hermione, Harry's seen them!" said Ron, rounding on her._

_"Okay", she said, looking frightened yet determined, "I've just got to say this…"_

_"What?"_

_"You… this isn't criticism, Harry! But you do…sort of… I mean—don't you think you've got a bit of a—a—saving-people-thing?" she said_

_He glared at her. "And what's that supposed to mean, a "saving-people-thing'?"_

_"Well…you…"she looked more apprehensive than ever." I mean…last year, for instance…in the lake…during the tournament…you shouldn't have…I mean, you didn't need to save that Delacour girl…You got a bit… carried away…"_

_A wave of hot, prickly anger swept Harry's body—how could she remind him of that blunder now?_

_"…I mean, it was really great of you and everything", said Hermione quickly, looking positively petrified at the look on Harry's face. "Everyone thought it was a wonderful thing to do—" _

_"That's funny", Harry said through gritted teeth, "because I defiantly remember Ron saying I'd wasted time acting like a hero…is that what you think this is? You reckon I want to act the hero again?"_

_Only one couple were still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light: He was laughing at her. "Come on you can do better then that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room. The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest. The laughter had not quite yet died from his face, but his eyes winded in shock._

_"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!" bellowed Harry. "SHE KILLED HIM—I'LL KILL HER!"_

_"Aaaaah… did you love him, little baby Potter"_

"_**Wormtail" a cold, high-pitched voice called. A plump man stumbled into a dimly lit room. Falling to the ground he kissed the speakers robes. **_

"_**You called, Master?" **_

"_**I want Sirius Black". **_

"_**B-but Master…He's dead". **_

"_**No, he is not. There is a book, it's in my study on the desk, I want you to get it and retrieve him from the veil. He will prove useful for me". **_

_**Wormtail nodded his head. Even if he had wanted to argue he wouldn't have been able to. He was too afraid of his master. **_

"_**Yes, Master it shall be done". **_

"_**Wormtail?"**_

"_**Yes, Master?"**_

"_**Don't disappoint me. I will not tolerate it this time". **_

"_**Of course, Master". **_

Harry snapped awake. He glanced around the room. His eyes rolled into the back of his head. Blackness consumed him. One word lingering unspoken on his lips, "Sirius…"


	5. Thinking up a plan

**Deeper He Falls**

**I Am A Reject-** Okay, here is the deal; I am not doing Harry/Voldemort, Harry/ Lucious, and since you don't want Harry/Ginny, or Harry/Draco, the choices are Harry/Sirius, Remus/Harry, Harry/Sirius/Remus, and last Harry/Bellatrix. Though, I'm leaning more towards slash, but if you want a heterosexual pairing so be it. Depends on the votes.

_Should've been dead on a Sunday morin'  
__Banging my head  
__No time for mourning'  
__Ain't got no time_

* * *

**_Order Meeting_**

All were shocked, and mostly angered. The boy that they thought could have saved them, had betrayed them.

"I don't trust him one bit". Moody broke the silence. Tonks nodded her agreement, and then Kingsley, and then everybody else, exceptfour people in the back. Two were teenagers, and had been accepted into the Order. The adults couldn't keep them out, because they had both seen as much, if not more then the adults had. When the next words were uttered by Tonks, Molly couldn't help but stare at her in amazement. How could she turn against him so fast?

"He's a traitor", Tonks sneered. "I think we should lock him up".

Hermione, who had been letting all the insults bounce around her, had finally had enough. Walking across the room and right in front of Tonks, Hermione raised her hand and bitch slapped her across the face, hard. Tonks looked at Hermione, shock and anger written on her face.

"Say something like that again, and I'll hex you from here to kingdom come", Hermione snarled. Ron stared in awe, and Remus was hiding a smile that was curling on his lips. Molly held the very strong urge to clapp and whistle.

"Bloody hell!" Tonks yelped. "That hurt".

Hermione glared at her then sniffed, turning up her nose she stalked back to her place and sat down, an unattractive sneer plastered on her face.

"At any rate, I still don't trust him" Moody sneered, breaking the incredibly tensed silence, he then found himself bound and gagged on the floor, with and incredibly angry Remus Lupin standing over him.

"Say it again, _I dare you_" Remus snarled, an odd glint resided in his eyes. And thus ended Harry Bashing.

Now, usually Hermione and Ron would have protested strongly about Harry doing anything that involved the Dark Arts, but since he hadn't really done anything yet, and not to mention the fast turning upon he had seemed to go through, Hermione and Ron were with him all the way. Well, they really didn't want him to join Voldemort but if it floated his boat then so be it.

"I don't need you telling me that I'm crazy for even thinking about joining him, I already know. So if you hate me, then fine, I'm sorry you feel that way", Harry said indifferently.

Ron looked him, shock written all over his face.

"Harry, we don't disagree with you. You're as mad as a hatter, but you should have heard some of the things that were being said about you. Hermione even bitch slapped Tonks, and Remus bound and gagged Moody".

Harry smirked, and he looked at Hermione, and instead of hate, like he had thought he would see, he saw fondness, and brotherly love. His friends were there to stay. He almost didn't want to join Voldemort, _almost _being the keyword.

_'I don't want to betray them'_ but the darker side of him wasn't going to let him off so easily.

**_'I think you do, and you know it'_**

_'No, I don't and I know that I don't'_

**_'Think about it, why would you be fighting yourself if you didn't_** **_already have doubts about your loyalty?'_**

_'I'll have you know—I don't know why…I don't know why…'_

Harry could not answer that. He didn't know how. Why was he fighting? He slept fitfully that night. He tossed and turned and dreamed. None of them were pleasant. Not a single one of them.

_"Wormtail, have you retrieved him?" __A plump man with a silver hand, nodded gleefully. Finally, he had done something right, and pleased his Master. Voldemort cackled, his eyes glowing scarlet. _

_"Bring him here". Wormtail nodded and motioned for the two death eaters behind him to retrieve the captive. They disappeared and soon returned with a man, he was struggling. He seemed to be doing it on his own accord, because no amount of fighting would get him anywhere. _

_There was something different about this man. When confronted with people that he would know, they probably wouldn't recognize him. He seemed to have de-aged. Voldemort stood and looked him over, trailing a bony finger down the man's cheek, he smirked. _

_"So beautiful, Black". _

_"Get your fucking hands off me, you bastard", Black spat._

_"You know, your godson has changed to. He's quite the looker. I'd love to have some time with him", Voldemort was playing his cards, and he knew just how to play him. _

_"If you even **think **about touching him, I will kill you", Black hissed, his voice was deadly. He saw Pettigrew shiver slightly._

_"You can't kill me, Black, it's not up to you to decide, whether or not I live or die". _

_"You have a choice Black, either join me, or I'll kill him". Voldemort had lost all of teasing tone. It was cold and harsh. _

_"I'll—" _

"No!" Harry sprung awake; he had been unable to finish his dream. Something hadn't let him. He frantically searched around for his wand. He jumped out of bed and bounded down the hall. Not slowing down to knock on Remus's door instead he kicked it open. He ran over to Remus, who was still in bed.

"Remus!" Harry whispered, the man didn't move. Harry shook him roughly, trying to awake the Werewolf.

Harry found himself pressed to the mattress; glowing amber eyes hovered above him. Harry lay there, his heart thudding against his ribcage. Remus' hot breath ghosting above his lips. Harry grunted under the werewolf's weight, and tried to push Remus off of him. Remus grunted and snapped back into reality.

"I'm sorry" Remus whispered. "What did you want?"

"Sirius…He's alive", Harry muttered this more to himself then to Remus. Remus glared at him his amber eyes glowing eerily.

"Don't say that! Si—he is not alive", Remus whispered fiercely. He wouldn't say his name. Remus would not say his best friend's name. He wouldn't say his ex-lover's name, no matter how hard you pushed him.

"Say it", Harry ordered.

"Say what?" Remus growled.

"Say his name", Harry ground out.

"It doesn't matter if I say it or not".

"Then why does it matter if you do say it?"

"I can't", Remus murmured.

"Remus, take my hand", Harry ordered. And Remus did, and before he knew it, Remus was in a graveyard. A scene unfolded before him.

_"Have you come to your decision yet?" _

_The voice echoed loudly across the graveyard. A strikingly handsome man lifted his head; his ebony hair was matted to his face. He spat at the Dark Lord's feet. _

_"Go to hell!" He snarled. _

_"Obviously, your godson means nothing to you", Voldemort said casually. _

_"Leave him the hell alone", the man rasped out. Voldemort cackled and aimed his wand at the man. _

_"You have a strong spirit, Black. I wonder how long it'll take me to break it. Crucio!" _

_Remus moved forward, as if to jump in front of the curse. Harry grabbed his wrist, and pulled him back. _

_"You can't do anything, Remus. He can't see you, or hear you"._

_The curse was lifted and Sirius sat up, not a sound had escaped him. If no one had believed in Sirius Black's loyalty before, they should have seen him now. Had they seen him, they would have surely believed that he had not committed the crime he was imprisoned for._

_"Your precious Godson tried to write me. He wanted to join me, but it seems he's having problems. You see, he doesn't know what to do, he's confused". _

_"No—Harry wouldn't do that…"_

_"Oh, but he did". _

_"NO!"_

The scene suddenly stopped, and Harry collapsed on the bed. Wearily, he spared one last look at Remus. The look of comprehension written plain as day across his face, and that was the last thing that Harry saw.

"He's alive…"

Harry blacked out.

Morning was something Harry didn't want to face. He knew he had to do something about Sirius. What was he to do? This he hadn't decided yet. He altered between the ideas of just throwing all rational thought out the window, and going to get Sirius himself, or getting help with a rational plan, and then a back up plan.

He didn't want Sirius to wait long. Who knows what Voldemort would do to him? So this would make logical sense, as to why Harry stayed locked up in his room. He was thinking up a plan…


	6. I Blew Up the Couch

**Deeper He Falls**

"Black, I have decided that you and your…Godson would serve me better if he knew you were alive. I have also decided that I will release you, but trust me, I will have an eye kept on you".

_Sirius could do nothing but stare with his mouth dropped open, doing the perfect imitation of a gaping fish. Did Voldemort just say that he was letting him go? Sure he had also said that he would have some one watching him, but he had also said that he was letting him go. _

"_Do I have your word that you won't tell the Order when I am located? Well, just put it this way, if you reveal this little piece of information I will find you and your Godson, and I will kill the both of you" Voldemort warned. _

"_Of course, I already know Potter is aware of your status. He must also know that you will be thrust into my fireplace and flooed to your residents, in about…lets say twenty minutes" Voldemort was smirking at the look on Sirius' face. _

"_Such a shame though. Letting you go, you were awfully nice to look at", again Voldemort trailed a finger down Sirius' cheek; he paused for a moment, and then smiled coldly. _

"_I don't think your Godson likes when I touch you, he's very angry with me right now". _

"_Nott! Wormtail! Take Black!" Voldemort ordered, and Sirius was dragged away. _

_Voldemort turned towards the wall, and sneered. _

"_I'd wake up if I were you, Potter". _

Harry jerked awake, and looked at his watch. He had exactly three minutes until Sirius would be arriving. Harry grabbed his glasses and shoved the covers off of him. He bolted out of his bedroom and into the Parlor. He waited for several moments.

His patience was rewarded, flames in the fireplace were suddenly turning emerald green, and a body was hurled across the floor. Harry meeting the said body half way. Harry dropped to his knees heavily, just staring at the figure of his prone Godfather. Harry gently turned him over, laying Sirius' head in his lap. A dry sob heaved from Harry's throat.

"Bloody Hell, Sirius, if you ever, ever do this to me again, I will kill you myself", Harry ground out, running his hand through his Godfather's hair.

"Hey, Green Eyes", Sirius smiled warmly.

"Fucking hell, I was about to come get you myself".

"So, he was right, you did know I was alive", Sirius said, a grim look passing over his face.

"Yes, Sirius I knew".

"And what he said, was it true?" Harry knew what he was referring to. Not one of his smartest moves.

"Yes, I-I did try to contact him, but it didn't work out as planned", a pained look crossed Harry's face.

"He said you wanted to join him". Sirius paused for a moment, "Is that also true?"

"I don't think we need to worry about that right now. Right now, I need to get you on the couch, and you need some medical attention", Harry offered.

"I'm fine, Harry. I want to know what the hell you were thinking?" Sirius snapped.

"Sirius, you were hit a few times with the Crutaitus Curse, and I'm sure some of the other Death Eaters roughed you up a bit. So, I am sure I am right in saying that you need some medical attention", was losing his patience.

"I want to know the truth", Sirius growled.

"Yes, Sirius I offered to join him, is that what you wanted to know? Are you happy now?" Harry snarled.

This wasn't going as planned. Harry had not expected things to go this way.

"Now sit right there, I'm going to get Remus", Harry said stiffly.

Bolting up the stairs, Harry burst through Remus' door, and hopped onto his bed.

"Remus, wake your lazy arse up", Harry poked him.

"No, go 'way", Remus swatted at his finger.

"Remus, if you want to see Sirius I suggest that you wake up".

Remus shot up in his bed, looking frantically around his room.

"I thought you said he was here?" Remus said.

"He is, just down stairs". Remus didn't wait for Harry; he had already run downstairs to see Sirius. Harry followed him, just not as fast. Harry stopped at the foot of the stairs, his eyes widened in surprise. Remus was touching Sirius, his hair, his cheeks, his lips, and pressing kisses to every bit of skin he could find.

Harry felt a wave of hot jealously, anger, and possessiveness. With his teeth clenched, eyes dark and angry, and hands closed into tight fists, he slowly turned around.

CRASH!

The couch that they had been sitting on blew up, and Sirius and Remus were thrown onto the floor. Harry went rushing down the stairs, and fell beside Sirius.

"Oh God, I am so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. I should learn to control my temper. I'm really sorry, Sirius", Harry rambled.

"What got you so angry?" Sirius asked concernedly. Then Harry thought, what had gotten him so angry, that he had decided to blow up the couch? Was it because, when he saw Remus down here, touching Sirius, and knowing that he wouldn't ever be able to do that? Was it the anger that he felt? What was it? Why did he even care, what Remus was doing?

Harry looked into Sirius' crystal blue eyes, and his heart fluttered. Harry quickly looked away, and cleared his throat.

"I dunno, I just got angry, might have been Voldemort".

Sirius seemed to accept this; he raised his hand and ran it through Harry's hair.

"You've grown Harry".

Harry leaned into this touch.

"You haven't been gone that long Sirius".

"Yes, but people grow up faster then you want to accept. So, then you realize, that they aren't the same people that they used to be. You're so very different then when you were thirteen. You aren't a child anymore, Harry" Sirius whispered.

Harry pulled his face away from Sirius' hand, and without another word, went back upstairs. Harry dragged his arm across his face to stop the tears that threatened to wreck havoc across his face. Why did it have to be so hard?

Why was it that he just couldn't be normal? He had wanted to join Voldemort out of pure revenge for Sirius, and now that Sirius was back, Harry still wanted to join him. He wanted to do it, because he knew that he could, and that Dumbledore could not stop him from doing it. Some part of him kept telling him it wasn't a good idea, and he wouldn't listen to it.

A knock sounded at his door, and Harry barely acknowledged it. Harry did, however, grunt telling who ever was at the door that they could come in. Harry stared at the open door, a figure slowly closing the door behind them.

"Harry…I'm sorry if I've made you mad", Sirius said softly. Harry turned to him, his eyes dark and clouded with something that Sirius couldn't decipher.

"You haven't made me mad, Sirius", Harry answered, and his voice was deep and choked. Sirius walked toward him, and sat down on the side of Harry's bed. Sirius lifted Harry's chin as it had fallen sometime ago.

"Well, obviously I've done something", Sirius whispered, his lips ghosting above Harry's nose. Harry drew in a breath, and held it there. Sirius brought down his lips, and firmly planted them on Harry's. Harry's eyes shot wide open, Sirius began moving his lips; Harry sighed against Sirius, and started to respond.

The door banged open.


	7. Rejected

Deeper He Falls

_On broken wings I'm falling  
__And it won't be long  
__The skin on me in burning  
__By the fires of the sun  
__On skinned knees I'm bleeding  
__And it won't be long  
__I've gotta find that meaning  
__That I've searched for so long_

_-Alter Bridge-_

* * *

The door burst open and a surprised gasp sounded from the door way. Harry and Sirius had long since jerked away from each other. Harry slowly turned towards the doorway. Remus stood there, an icy look carved on his face.

"Remus, this isn't—" Sirius began, but the acidic voice of the Werewolf interrupted him.

"Oh, let me take a hunch at what you're about to say? It's not what it looks like? Am I right, did I hit home? Do you know how many times I've heard this from you?" Remus laughed coldly. "I was actually considering starting back where we left off, but now I'm glad I didn't".

Harry had taken to staring out of the window, while Remus and Sirius argued with each other. Harry wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do, the window rattled ominously, and Harry bit his tongue to control his temper, the window stopped.

"Remus…I'm sorry, but he…"Sirius stopped talking, and looked right at Harry.

"He what Sirius? What about your _Godson_?"

Harry could here Sirius draw in a breath, and Harry twisted his self around so fast, he cold hear the bones crack in his neck. (not fatally, you know when you have a crick in your neck? The way you try and get them out? That's what that meant) Remus' acrimonious accusation hitting Sirius in the face.

"_How dare you_", Harry hissed at him, walking to Remus and staring up at him. Remus took a weary step back, and Harry glared at him, like a predator would its prey. "Don't you dare throw that at him. Sirius, hasn't been around me long enough to be my Godfather, what makes you think I'm going to treat him like one?"

Harry stared at Sirius, and could see the hurt in his eyes. A wave of anger swept through Harry.

"Get out", Harry whispered, trying to control his temper. Remus just gazed at him, not moving. "Harry—"

"Get out", Harry said again, this time it was louder.

"Harry, I didn't mean—"

"_Get out!"_ Harry's booming voice echoed around the room, Remus slowly turned around, and shut the door behind him. Harry went back to the window, and at on the cushioned bench. He vaguely heard Sirius come up behind him.

"Harry, we need to talk", Sirius sat down beside him. Harry turned to look at him, and his hand came to push a strand of black hair from Sirius' face. Could Harry do it? Could he push Sirius away from him, just to keep him out of danger?

'_Isn't he already?'_

'**Don't you ever go away?'**

'_Can you go away?'_

'**Umm…I can't go away; because I'm…well I'm me...'**

'_So why are you telling yourself to go away?'_

'**I see your point, back on topic. Can I do it?'**

'_I—I don't think you have to worry about you, I think you need to worry about him…'_

"Harry, I can't, I shouldn't have done that, I love Remus, and I—Harry, no don't do that, I'm so sorry. Please, Harry I—" Sirius stopped at the look on Harry's face. He was trying so hard not to cry, his face was impassive, but Sirius could see the raging sea of emotions, in Harry's eyes.

'**What do I have left here?'**

'_He's confused'_

'**Don't defend him, you're my conscience'**

'_Yeah, but I'm your voice of reason, and I'm trying to make you see reason'_

Harry smiled painfully, and leaned over to kiss Sirius on the forehead. Harry got up, grabbed his wand, and walked out of the door; he didn't quite know where he was going to go. He just didn't want to stay in this house.

* * *

**Sorry, about the cliffhanger, I've hit a spot that most writers hate. Writer's Block. Oh, the horror! I know it's short, I'll try to update as soon as I can.**


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